Among the many pulls and tears that regularly sit and then abandon the inner throne where I believe I live, I find recurrent roles by two competing indulgences: I like to believe I am going to go "viral" and be "global" and it's just a matter of sitting here at the magic screen, finding the right gizmos and whatsits and then bam! It (whatever that it is) will all happen.
When that belief occupies the inner state Throne I happily while hours away figuring where else to write, to whom I might send an email or inquiry, what site most needs my attention Right Now! Global Gal wears a map of the Earth and believes it the most elegant wear anywhere.
The other occupant of the Inner Throne enters, knocks Global Gal to the floor and sits quietly, happily assured in her pj's and coffee attitude nothing more is required than to write. She dangles a pen (of all arcane instruments!) from her hand and it drips ink.
The trouble is whenever one commands, the other wilts. I feel doomed that this competition will lead to nothing getting done, at all!
Yet I continue to whittle away one Enshrined belief per moment, hoping that doing both will somehow result in something...somewhere....sometime!
Can you relate? Do your inner conflicts about where to put your energy? Please lend your thoughts...
All the time! Inner conflicts are occuring but I have become much more adaptable and seem to see the blocks that punch at me with a sense of humor now and so I am able to just do my very best and get as much done in one direction before I turn to the next...like Alice in Wonderland. With meditation I have come to see that I am becoming home. Not coming home but becoming home. I feel comfortably amused with the mind's chattering and quite enjoy my sits now that I have become home. Hope this makes some sense to you. I really love your site!
ReplyDeleteHi Sally: I know exactly what you mean and I love your expression "becoming home." Says it beautifully! Thank you for your kind words!
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